Gift of Lyme – The SequelAug 17, 2021 Self Love
WARNING!!!! Potentially Triggering language in this post. So if you react to the GOD word, please read with caution:-) You have been warned.
OK…here we go!
Yeah…so I struggled with naming this blog…obviously. First it was “The Healer who couldn’t Heal” then it was “Feeling like a fraud” and then I tried out “The Imposter syndrome.” None of those really rings true.
It has been 4 years since receiving hyperthermia treatment for Lyme Disease in Germany. A lot has happened, of course. My body continues to be my greatest vehicle for spiritual growth. Trust me, it has been a journey. If I were asked to sum it up though, I’d say Post-Lyme, my lessons continue to be about self-love and learning genuine kindness towards myself. I am practicing treating myself with the kindness I have zero trouble treating others with…huh…interesting.
I often sit with the question of why it was so hard for me to “recover” from lyme…to “Get Over It!”… to heal. I sincerely thought that if I learned the metaphysical lesson, the spiritual truth, I would spontaneously recover my health. HA! It really didn’t work that way…and I don’t think it is fair to even hold myself to that standard.
I have learned that sometimes, even when we have done “The Work”, it takes time for our physical bodies to catch up. I have “done the work”. I Let Go, I forgave, I made amends, I Self Loved, I burned journal entries, I chanted, I cried, I screamed. And still…my body has its aches and pains, its ups and downs, its scares and surprises. Yup…I have to adjust my lens, often, and really honestly accept that I am human. I am in a physical body and sometimes it just needs tuning up 🙂 It needs rest. It needs down time.
I have also learned that sometimes my prayers and lessons lead me to traditional medical solutions (like treatment in Germany) and that actually doesn’t mean I failed the spiritual lesson. Sometimes the self-loving choice is to really listen to what my body is needing – even if it isn’t 100% holistic. This ’truth’ has been harder for me to accept…
It reminds me of an old parable: A village is flooding, and FAST. A man stands on the shore line praying for God to save him. He has complete faith that this will happen and remains calm while others scurry about. A boat arrives on the beach and offers to get him to safety. He declines reaffirming, “God will save me!” Some time later as the situation becomes more dire, a helicopter flies overhead, throwing down a ladder to hoist him to safety. Again he shouts out, “God will save me!”. And then…he drowns. When he arrives at the gates of Heaven, he is pretty darn miffed and mystified. “God! I had complete faith that you’d save me! How could you let me drown?” God replies, “I sent you a boat AND a helicopter! “
So what do I glean from this story? Sometimes we get stuck in our MINDS, yes that darn intellect! We have a rigid idea of what guidance or healing SHOULD look like. For me, before my Lyme Treatment, I thought “Healing” looked like spontaneously recovering my health IF I just found the right spiritual button to make it happen. This is just not true.
I hope this rant is making some sense. It just profoundly hit me this past year when I began having severe heart palpitations. I was at it again…asking for guidance to understand the spiritual lesson. I set about excavating my shadow self and again thought that if I could only forgive deeper or love harder, my heart would heal. These rigid beliefs still had a hold on me – especially as a “Healer”.
I’ve heard it said that the divine speaks through people. For me one of those moments was as I lay on my dear friends massage table during my own healing session. I was finally malleable enough to actually HEAR what she was saying and to surrender to a new truth. I trusted her especially because she too is a “Healer”! So when she just matter of factly said, “Sweetheart even when you learn The Lesson, you still need to treat the body. Maybe you just need to get your heart checked out?!” Mic Drop! I knew I had been doing that SPIRITUAL BYPASS thing.
YES We are spiritual beings AND we are still in a physical body that needs our love and care and nurturing! And yup…the punch line to the heart issue was that after some simple blood work, we identified a very treatable imbalance. My body just needed a little tuning up!
So, 4 years later, here is what I am still learning from The Gift Of Lyme:
– Be kind to yourself – kinder than you feel is even reasonable or comfortable
– Listen to your body – stop requiring it to push beyonds its limits to achieve some illusive accolade
– Keep asking what the lesson is and communicating with God/spirit/the divine – call it what you like
– Realize that we are multi-dimensional – you may learn the spiritual lesson and still need some good old fashioned medical care
– Keep laughing
– Keep forgiving
– Keep going!
Sending so much love to you all on this crazy journey,