2022 – Watch Me Rise!

Jan 1, 2022 Personal

Today I woke up with a level 7 pity party ramping up fast. Today is New Years Eve…today is also day 7 of my covid journey.

My thoughts were swirling…a combination of physical and emotional fatigue, discomfort, uncertainty, sadness…the weight of it all was as sticky as the stuff in my chest ! My inner child began to whine as I looked around the first floor of our home…all the Christmas trimmings that never saw their day. The stale air felt heavy…abandoned halls while everyone hides in their bunkers upstairs, apart. I felt alone…

You see, I thrive on connection…we ALL thrive on connection…my pity party was interrupted by a daily slew of texts from loved ones checking in on me. Each text made its way further through the emotional sludge and deeper into my heart…until it made its way to the center of my swirling brain…”This is temporary…this discomfort! Feel all the love coming in and supporting you Just let it in. You are OK. You are not alone!” 

I was able to steady myself long enough to make my latte…hell yeah…even with 6 days of fever I did NOT miss my morning ritual one day 🙂 But then the sadness rushed back in…I imagined all the AMAZING New Years Eve rituals happening…intentions being set…sacred fires…drum circles ( I do have quite the vivid imagination). My Mind told me that if I missed this auspicious day, all of 2022 was a goner and my whole life along with it. ***I’m telling you, do not underestimate the power of your thoughts to be completely insane when you’re under the weather! LOL!

“SHAKE IT OFF!” I took my coffee…and my puppies back to bed. I had to surrender. At least my physical body had to surrender. My mind needed a loving kick in the ass still. When I usually feel this lost, I walk the labyrinth, or meditate with my sound bowls, or I practice yoga, go for a walk…none of these tools felt available to me as I lay in bed coughing.

WHAT CAN YOU DO? That whisper was just not my voice…THAT wisdom was guidance…call it by whatever name you’re comfortable with…God, Angels, the Universe. It’s all the same and it’s not me. WHAT CAN I DO?

Well…I can Pray! One of my all time favorite quotes is, “If your problems have brought you to prayer then they have served their purpose!”

So I prayed for awhile…making conscious contact with a divine source helped me reconnect to that part of my soul that knows I am not alone…ever.

I prayed for strength of mind!

Courage of Heart!

And physical healing.

Then I prayed for all those struggling right now…no matter what the struggle.

My mind felt calmer…calm enough to engage with 🙂

So I started to list all the things I COULD be grateful for…instead of all the things I was missing out on…starting with the fact that we had so many people help out with food while we’ve been out of commission. The list was long…I let our blessings wash over my whole body and through my heart.

“You’re going to be ok!” I heard…and again this was not me. It felt like a soothing hug from the universe.

As I lay in bed much calmer now…I realized that my New Year’s Eve ritual may not look like I had hoped (Ahhhh those pesky expectations!!!) but in fact I was profoundly going through the exact healing process I needed…even though it didn’t have the bells and whistles or streamers and poppers or any other fanfare. Just real spiritual grit.

So to 2021…thank you for all the experiences this year. Thank you for the growth and the grit, the struggles and resurrections, the stumbles and the expansion…ALL OF IT MAKES ME WHO I AM IN THIS ONE MOMENT! THANK YOU FOR IT ALL!

AND…as I make room for 2022, may I continue to release:

– Fear of what’s to come

– Any tendencies to compare the contents of my path to the perceived contents of ANY other soul

– Judgement I have of myself for getting sick

– Expectations of the way things SHOULD be

– Fear that time is slipping away

– Worry for loved ones health and safety

Dear 2022, I’m Ready to let it rip! WATCH ME RISE!

Sending you all so much love from underneath the covers with my two resident healers!